Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Welcoming another chapter in our lives

Woah! Time flies when you're having fun, huh? That's exactly what happened in 2010 for me. It's an amazing, amazing year. Personally, I feel like I've become a better person compared to who I was before, also, I've met different people and there are a few people whom I've met that I will forever hold close to my heart. These two people taught me how to open myself up and let me know that it's okay to let people inside my heart. I've learnt to trust, even if not fully, at least I have learnt to trust and I'm just going to take it one step at a time. Baby steps!
Besides that, I've grown and learnt a lot of things that only time can teach me. I guess in a way, time makes you a better and wiser person but only if you choose to be. Know? It's like the saying, God can't help you if you won't help yourself. For some of you, 2010 may not have been a good year but keep in mind that every experience makes you a wiser person if you learn from it. Whatever doesn't kill you only makes you stronger, hey? In 2010, I hit rock bottom and pushed myself back to the top. I promised myself that I will not rest until I've reached success. Don't get me wrong, I'm very much content with everything that I possess right now but the way I see it.. There's nothing wrong with being thankful with what you have but striving for more than what I can have.
As for family, I've grew closer to each and everyone of them, seeing their flaws and loving them more despite their flaws. I guess that's why we love them, the fact that they can push our buttons yet, we still love them with all our hearts. My family is whacky, tacky and corny but you know what, they're my family and I love them to bits and pieces. Everything in this world comes and goes but no matter what happens, family will always be there.
To me, the end of every year is just an end to a chapter in my life and the beginning to a new one. Although 2010 has been such a great year for me, I have a feeling that 2011 will be double the awesome-ness, double the terrificalty, and double the delightfulness! In 2011 I will be sitting for SPM, and in 2011 my brother will embark on an amazing journey to Switzerland to start a new life and I wish him all the best. I know and hope that he will come back a new person, a better one. So to everyone, I would just like to wish you in advance, a Happy Happy New Year, may 2011 be an awesome year for all of us. Let us welcome 2011 with open arms and embrace this thing we call life.
Live everyday like it's your last because when you do, embarassment, shame and everything else will just fall to the floor. There is nothing else that you can fear because the thought of death in your mind defeats all.
Cheers!
Oh and by the end of 2011, be sure to keep your eyes open because there's going to be an upcoming star who goes by the name AMALINA THAQIFAH LAVOCAH ;)

Alright, til then, people!

Thursday, December 16, 2010

It's not how many years you have to live but how much life you have in those years that you live!

College. Do we go to college because we want to or because it seems to be the normal thing to do after high school? Most of us go to college because our friends go to college. We go to college because it's a normal thing to do. But why do we go to college? To get a job? To become successful? What? The reason why I am writing this post is because these past few days I have been reflecting on my life, what I want to do and all sorts. Then it just hits me, why should I mug for two years or so when at the end of the day, all I get a is a piece of printed paper to determine my qualification.


Truth be told, I don't even know what I want to do with my life but one thing is for certain.. At the end of the day, I don't want to be telling only one story. I honestly think that the only reason why people go to college is because they don't know what they want to do and sure there are some people who go to college because they know what they want to do too but after they graduate they get a job, become successful and they tend to stay in their comfort zone. For example, a Lawyer who's successful only becomes a Lawyer because he doesn't want to risk his money and etc by doing other things when he knows that what he's doing now is giving him benefit. Do you follow me? At first, I had it all worked out, I wanted to be a Lawyer but now.. I don't want to do just one thing. I want to take risks, learn about many things, reinvent myself, I want to keep evolving. I want to become a Lawyer, then a TV Presenter, then a Journalist, I want to travel all around the world. I want my life to be based on chapters, like a story book. Because from my point of view, everyone is just living their life with one story to tell and I don't want that.


To people who's worried about not knowing what they want to do after higschool, don't fret, take time off and figure out what you love. Heck, I don't even know what I want to do once I'm out of highschool but most probably, I'm going to take a year off, get a job, gain as many experiences that money can't buy and just travel around the world. All I know is that when I become successful, I don't want to be just another person who makes money from a lousy job that I don't even like. To me, success means doing something you're passionate about, something you love. Also, success is to give back, to be apart of something bigger than you. But most importantly, success is love from our family and our devotion to the Almighty. So yes, sue me for maybe not wanting to go to college, or wanting to take a year off first. All I know is that, I would just most probably go to college after I figure out what I want to do with my life because let's be honest, I want to make my mom and dad proud and the only way to do that is by having at least a degree. I don't see the point in having a masters or whatsoever. For me, the most important thing is experience.


I love life, but it's sad that not many people do, and I'm guessing they don't because whenever they try to fly away from the mediocre thought of what "normality" deems to be these days, they get tormented. Which is a pity really. I think I'm going out of the topic now but whatever. Basically what I'm trying to say is, don't just go through life doing what people want you to do or what you think you want to do. To what you love and you won't feel like you've worked a day.





ATL

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Still fly.

Life is a beautiful struggle, it's a race that we are all running and the finish line is success. Though some of us may scrape our knee during the race, fall down or whateverso. It does not matter, because the only thing that matters is that we pick ourselves up, dust ours shoulders and continue running. Do not envy those who have reached the finish line before you, for envy will get you nowhere. Instead, look up to those people and follow their good traits. Most people are afraid of doing so because they want to be "original". Newsflash, no one is original, we are bits and pieces of everybody. Whether we choose to pick the bad or good depends on oneself but I personally choose to pick out the positive ones.




















We do not grow absolutely, chronologically. We grow sometimes in one dimension, and not in another; unevenly. We grow partially. We are relative. We are mature in one realm, childish in another. The past, present, and future mingle and pull us backward, forward, or fix us in the present. We are made up of layers, cells, constellations.
Anais Nin



ATL

Futurama.

The plan. Have you ever felt that you've got it all planned, what you want to do, where you're going to be, what are the things you want in life and then suddenly you just go blank? From having your life planned out to not knowing anything to wanting to do everything? I guess that's what all teenagers go through, eh?


I still remember when I was 7 years old and my teacher asked me what I wanted to be when I grow up, and I proudly stood up and said I wanted to be a farmer. Yes, a farmer. Looking back, it's no wonder why everyone laughed at me. But I didn't care, I still don't in fact. I find it very fascinating, you know? Milking the cows and such. Heck, I still WANT to milk a cow, and I will! And then, when I was 15, I wanted to be a pilot. I thought it was cool because my uncle, grandfather and cousin is a pilot. I worked hard to make sure I get good grades for PMR and get into the science stream but now that I'm in, I don't want to be a pilot anymore.


Many people has said to me that I'd make a good Lawyer. Well, why not? I get my facts right, I love to talk and I kinda like suspenders too! But, I don't know. I guess after all, I still haven't got it all planned out yet. Sometimes, I just get scared not knowing what I want to do when I finish my SPM. All I know is that I want to be successful, and by the way, everyone has their definition of successful and mine being, being happy in my own skin, providing for my family and indulging myself in luxurious things and growing spiritually and emotionally. Okay, I'm jumping out of topic, bottom line is, it's okay to not know what you want to do in the future. Just focus on the present, live in the moment and when the time comes, you will know what you want to do.


Sometimes, you think you want to do this but you what you actually love to do is that. Know? You don't just know what you want to do immediately, it takes time. We're young, we're supposed to gain as much experience as we can! So don't worry so much about the future and let life come to you. And to those wishing you were still a kid, don't. Because I'm pretty sure the only reason why we wish for that is because life is tough. I bet my bottom dollar that life was beautiful as a teen, you wouldn't want to be a kid again, eh? If we don't grow, we will never learn. Age is just a number, problems are just experiences in disguise that will only make you a wiser person, fail attempts are what makes as stronger as a person. To me, it's okay not being a kid anymore. Because I will always be my parents' little girl and a kid at heart. Never ever let your inner kid go because it's what makes our imagination wild.





“We do not grow absolutely, chronologically. We grow sometimes in one dimension, and not in another; unevenly. We grow partially. We are relative. We are mature in one realm, childish in another. The past, present, and future mingle and pull us backward, forward, or fix us in the present. We are made up of layers, cells, constellations.”
— Anais Nin





ATL

Monday, November 29, 2010

My new eye candy






Meet Andrew Garfield. You might have seen him in The Social Network and FYI, he's also going to play the role of Spiderman in 2012. He's the first male actor that I find really charming and also really sexy like OhmaLord!

Saturday, November 27, 2010

Jaeson Ma - Love (feat. Bruno Mars)

Jaeson Ma - Glory ft. Caleb Lin

Food for thought

Here are some pretty awesome quotes I found..

“Nothing turns us into bitter, selfish, dis-satisfied people more quickly than an ungrateful heart”

Billy Graham


“I keep forgetting to put focus on my to-do list. I keep forgetting to wander and have fun. I know I’m transparent but my insecurities are in all the right places, so go ahead, have a look.”

Ghandi’s Autobiography-Buddy Wakefield


"Day-to-day people typically think about the things that are going wrong instead of what is going right. This is sadly the norm, but it’s behavior" -DJH


“It isn’t enough to sit on the sidelines and hope for things to get better. You’ve got to ask yourself, ‘What steps am I going to take to get the things in life I want?’ Achieving great goals takes planning, and your life is no different.”

Jane Powell


“Do not anticipate trouble or worry about what may never happen. Keep in the sunlight.” – Benjamin Franklin

Rules

Rule #1: Never screw over your friend.

Rule #2: If things seem under control, you aren’t going fast enough.

Rule #3: Don’t believe what you’re told. Double check.

Rule #4: The best way to keep a secret? Keep it to yourself.

Second best? There is no second best.

Rule #5: Don’t trust anyone and rely on your instinct.

Rule #6: Never apologize — Its a sign of weakness.

Rule #7: Always be specific when you lie.

Rule #8: Never take anything for granted.

Rule #10: Never get personally involved in people’s life

Rule #11: When the job is done, walk away.

Rule #12: Never date a someone who's in the same school as you.

Rule #13: If someone looks weird, he/she probably is.

Rule #14: The less you say about you, the less can be use against you

Rule #15: Always work as a team.

Rule #16: Never be unreachable.

Rule #17: The more things change, the more they stay the same.

Rule #18: It’s better to seek forgiveness than ask permission.

Rule #19: Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action.

Rule #20: They can’t hurt you unless you let them.

Rule #21: The truth is outside of all fixed patterns.

Rule #22: Choose your own legacy. It’s for you to decide.

Rule #23:To be legendary, you have to stop being ordinary.

Rule #24: Observe, listen and learn.

Rule #25: Violence is the last resort of the incompetent.

Rule #26: I’m invincible as long as I’m alive.

Rule #28: Try again, fail again. Fail better.

Rule #29: A sharp tongue can cut your own throat.

Rule #30: Building the future and keeping the past alive are one in the same thing.

Rule #31: One thing you can give and still keep.is your word.

Rule #32: You lie the loudest when you lie to yourself.

Rule #33: if things are going wrong : stop and restart

Rule #34: do not expect anything from anyone, and you will not be disappointed

Rule #38: Your idea, your lead.

Rule #39: There is no such thing as coincidence.

Rule #40: If it seems someone is out to get you, they are.

Rule #45: You left a mess, you‘ve got to clean up.

Rule #51: Sometimes — You’re Wrong!

Friday, November 26, 2010

Love.

Love, what is love? Is it that warm feeling you get when you know you've always got someone to lean on? Or is it the rush that passes through your entire body each time you get a glance of that significant person's face? Everyone has their definition of love. In my previous post I said that it takes a lot of courage to embrace this thing called "love" so that is why I salute those people who do. For some of you who don't know me, I am not really a big fan of love well excluding my parents of course. It's a scary thing to fall in love with someone. I came across this quote on tumblr that goes a little bit like this, "love overpowers the mind, possesses the heart and blinds the eyes." I couldn't agree more! When you're in love, everything is nice and dandy but it will not be that way forever because someday, somehow there will be a person who'll get bored of the other, someone will want to call it quits. Even the thought of "how long will this last?" scares the hell out of me because everyone knows that nothing lasts forever. Promises will not be fulfilled, hearts will be broken, words will always just be words, action will not take place and flaws will just be another reason to break up with that person. Honestly right now, that is my definition of love. Might sound a wee bit cold hearted but it's true. I'm not one to open up and tell everything to any Tom, Dick and Harry, I take my time, get to know that person but it'll still be hard for me to trust someone. Inevitably, life is a cycle. You break someone's heart, they'll go on breaking others. You hurt someone, they'll do the same to others. You break someone's trust and forever they'll have trust issues and that's not even the worst part yet but I'm getting to it now. The worst part is that when this so called "messed up" person meets an actual genuine person, he/she will put the burdon on him, make him/her go through all these unnecessary obstacles because the last person she/he was with has broken him/her in to his/her basic elements and I think it's a pity to these people who become a victime to their prey (which is the person who is often called the heart-breaker) but then again, that's life. You have to go through hard times to appreciate the good ones, no? But I have a solution to make everyone feel better when their heart gets broken. Take a deep breath and think about this, that useless person who lead you on and broke your heart will end up falling in love one day too and their heart will be ripped out of their chess due to karma and hopefully, they will learn their lesson because people, the worst thing you can do to someone is lead them on with no intention of being with them at all. I know I'm no saint but that's the most cruel thing to do. It's like taking a cat, putting it in front of a fish and tying him to a wall so it can't run and eat the fish, don't worry, I'm fully aware that I most probably don't make sense right now. But basically what I'm trying to say is this, if you see someone that you are sure you want to be with, go for it. Prove it. If you're just in it to lead them on and whisper sweet things in their ears with the sole intention to give your ego a boost or just to get in to their pants, then just leave. Because this is exactly how the cycle begins. It only takes a few seconds to distinguish your feelings for someone.

"Either you like me or you don't. Don't go in between and send mixed messages. My heart isn't set up for that game of decoding riddles." -Rouge Velvets

ATL

Grenade

It’s been awhile since I last blogged, so bare with me. Just awhile ago, I was listening to Bruno Mars’ new song called Grenade which of course, explains to title of my blog. Anyway, when I first heard it I didn’t really like it. I thought it was rubbish to be honest, but then I clicked a link that lead me to my friend’s blog and on her blog was that specific video so I thought, why not give it another listen? Then it hit me just like that, wow! This song is deep. I mean, it’s about this guy who is completely and utterly in love with a woman who does return the feeling back which is kind of sad especially because he would “catch a grenade for her” it’s not often that you find guys nowadays who are actually committed and devoted to a person. In fact, it’s rare to find anybody who does, agree? Reason being we’re all afraid of getting hurt. Has anybody ever realized that no amount of pain can cause as much pain as heartache? It’s as if once you have your heart broken it’ll never be fixed again, of course you’re able to mend it but there will always be a piece of your heart that belongs to someone who isn’t even yours anymore. I guess, in the end it’s not about saving yourself from heartache. In the end it’s about taking risks, being brave. Because to be in love is like putting your heart on the table and hoping that the other person would not stab it with a knife. Courage, risk, and bravery, that’s what love is all about. To whomever out there who has loved someone so dearly but those feelings are not returned, I give you the utmost respect because to do that takes a lot of courage. So to everyone out there, if you know it’s love and it’s real, don’t run away from it but instead, embrace it. There is not guarantee that you will not get hurt but hey, that that starts sweet ends bitter and that that starts bitter ends sweet. I’m going to wrap this post up with a quote of my own.

“Life is like a box of cigarettes, you never know when it’s going to be your last stick.”

ATL

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

My bucket list

Here's a list of the things I want to accomplish in life:
  1. Stay a virgin till I get married
  2. Take over my grandfather's company
  3. Forgive everyone who has ever hurt me
  4. Reflect on my greatest weakness, and realize how it is my greatest strength
  5. Grow Spiritually, emotionally, physically and mentally as a person
  6. Accept myself for who I am
  7. Score straight A's in SPM
  8. Sleep under the stars
  9. Overcome my fear of failure
  10. Spend three months getting my body into optimum shape
  11. Become healthy, wealthy, and happy
  12. Make my family proud
  13. Become famous for the right reasons
  14. Learn to juggle with three balls
  15. Learn how to ride a motorbike on an open road
  16. Travel all around Malaysia by car
  17. Play paintball
  18. Help out at the SPCA
  19. Plant a tree
  20. Go bungee jumping
  21. Go skydiving
  22. Go deep sea fishing and eat your catch
  23. Fart in a crowded space
  24. Go up in a hot-air balloon
  25. Get a diving certificate
  26. Drive a Formula 1 car or Nascar
  27. Go white water rafting
  28. Run a marathon
  29. Swim with a dolphin
  30. Learn how to surf
  31. Learn how to bartend
  32. Learn how to bake and cook
  33. Learn to speak a foreign language and make sure I use it
  34. Spend a night in a haunted house with my friends
  35. Be the first woman to step foot on the moon
  36. Go Skiing in Switzerland
  37. Travel all around America
  38. Visit the McLaren's pub in New York where the casts of How I Met Your Mother always hang out
  39. Scuba dive off Australia's Great Barrier Reef
  40. Run to the top of the Statue of Liberty
  41. Visit the Eiffel tower and other historic places
  42. Perform haji
  43. Travel all around Europe
  44. Spend New Year's Eve in an exotic location
  45. Join the Peace Corps
  46. Dive to the Titanic on-board a submarine
  47. Climb the great Pyramid of Egypt
  48. Visit the great wall of China
  49. Covert Ops Incredible-Adventures.com
  50. Dive with Sharks
  51. Visit the African Safari
  52. Go back to Sarawak and rebuild the Zoo there
  53. Fly a plane
  54. Write the novel I know I have inside me
  55. Become a millionaire
  56. Buy my own house and then spend time making it into exactly what I want
  57. Grow a garden
  58. Drive a convertible with the top down and music blaring
  59. Find a job I love
  60. Fall deeply in love -- helplessly and unconditionally
  61. Go paragliding.
  62. Say yes to everything for a day.
  63. Go rock-climbing
  64. Crash a party
  65. Perform on stage in front of a crowd
  66. Fired a rifle, shotgun, or pistol
  67. Had a snake as a pet
  68. Visited the Gua Niah
  69. Meet everyone on my Facebook friend list in person
  70. Get back into photography
  71. Play an instrument
  72. Throw a mega party
  73. Live through 4 seasons of the year – Spring, summer, autumn, winter
  74. Go deep into the heart of Mother Nature. Go trekking in a rainforest; Camp out in the wilds; Walk in a valley; Visit a waterfall; Swim in an ocean; Walk in a valley
  75. Fly a kite
  76. Try out vegetarianism for 21 days, then veganism. Followed by raw veganism. Then conclude which is the best diet
  77. Experience and OBE (Out of Body Experience)
  78. Organize a picnic outing
  79. Change the world
  80. Purchase my own Ferarri
  81. Get into a food fight
  82. Milk a cow
  83. Hit the "pause" button and choose my attitude towards the situation

84. Visit a drive-in theatre




How bout you? :)

Saturday, October 2, 2010

My dearest maid, Kakak Kacang..


Dear Kakak Kacang, you're the best maid I have ever had. You sacrificed your family of peanuts back in Indonesia just to be here with me and I am forever grateful for that. Since you're here illegally and have to swim back to Indonesia, I will write a list of things that I love about you.

1. You panic all the time
2. You say the word 'ah' in almost everything you say.
3. Whenever it's the time of the month, you'll always tell me 'eh fifi, when i stand you check ah?' then you'll ask 'got ah got ah?' and even though I love pulling your leg telling you there's a stain, you still ask me to check for you :')
4. You make the best milo ever.
5. You look breath taking when you dress up on your 'MAIDS DAY OUT'
6. You wash my toilet for me.
7. You picked me up all the way in school because I was alone during the Tenby's Got Talent.
8. You're my Kakak Kacang and there's nothing you or anyone can do abowrit!
I love you long time, Nathashah Julen :)

Thursday, September 30, 2010

Welcoming October,

Good morning, October !
WOW, is it me or does time just fly nowadays ? It's already Octboer . So far, 2010 hasn't really been a great year for me but I've met a handful of people that have changed my life in different ways and I've realized a lot of things, which is a good thing . 2010 actually has been a year of realization for me and I am blessed to have realized so many things and have the time to change them . 2011 however, will be a nerve wrecking year as I'll be sitting for SPM . But hey, that's just next year . Honestly speaking, I'm not afraid of the future nor am I excited . I'm just, taking one day at a time, no rush. Or in other words, living in the moment . All in all, I'm pretty much happy and hopefully everyone is too.







Love life and life will love you back,
ATL

Friday, September 24, 2010

Metamorphosis

Metamorphosis;
A change of the form or nature of a thing or person into a completely different one, by natural or supernatural means.







Butterflies are one of the most beautiful living things that I've ever laid eyes one. Colourful, harmless, free.

Saturday, September 11, 2010

http://www.formspring.me/amalinalav

Untitled

"If your mind is not working properly then do not lose your heart."

“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket- safe, dark, motionless, airless--it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable.”

“Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma - which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of other's opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.”

“Love comes when manipulation stops; when you think more about the other person than about his or her reactions to you. When you dare to reveal yourself fully. When you dare to be vulnerable.”

Thursday, September 9, 2010

For those of you who are wondering what I'll be wearing :)






This is my baju kurung for the first day of raya, nice innit? It's ultra comfy as it is made of COTTON, yes cotton. It's one of my aunt's design. If any of you are interested on feisting your eyes on all the other designs you can visit http://airisaishacollection.blogspot.com/

Selamat Hari Raya

OMAGAH GUYS! It's Raya! I'm so stoked! My family and I celebrate almost everything but, only Raya makes me feel genuinely happy. It allows me to start a new chapter and ask for forgiveness from everyone and most importantly my parents. Speaking of parents, I feel uber guilty not helping my Mom preparing her famous mee downstairs. Even if I wanted to help her I don't think she'd allow as I take very long to get ready! Anyways, this year's Raya will be amazing I can tell. Know why? Because it's only the first day of Raya and the weather is so breezy, it's really nice. I'll be Raya-ing here for a few days then I'll be off to Vietnam. I hope everybody has a great Raya!


Special shout out to my Ohanas!
Heys, guys! I really want to say sorry if I've ever hurt any of ya'll, I'm only human and I'm not even close to perfect. Maybe in the past 9 months we've been together, I may have said or did something to have hurt you guys' feelings and for that I sincerely apologize from the bottom of my hurt. It wasn't my intention to hurt any of you but if I did, I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me. Even though you guys aren't celebrating Raya, I would just like to say Selamat Hari Raya Maaf Zahir dan Batin.


Yours truly,
ATL

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Sugar Glidey!


Gewaaam!
Newborn sugar glider! EEK!


Baby sugar glider!





As many of you may know, I've been wanting a Sugar Glider for a very long time already but I read somwehere on the internet that these uber adorable are actually a handful. Why? They maintain a complicated diet as they are exotic animals. Besides that, we can't just keep them in a cage where we keep our cats, hamsters and others as they're nocturnal animals and they tend to glide through trees at night. They also have this pungent smell similar to skunks (but less smelly) because they use a sense of smell to mark their territory, if I'm not mistaken. So after reading that article, I came to a conclusion. Won't these animals be in danger as more and more people are buying them? Because they're wild, exotic animals and when people buy them, they're going to be stuck in most probably a house not being able to run free. And in the end of course... DIE. So people, stop buying Sugar Gliders if you want more of these supa dupa cute furry animals to live! Here are some piccy poos of this 8) eyed animal.



Monday, September 6, 2010

Elements of life


Free from it all, I'm not going to change until I want to.


Tuesday, August 31, 2010

No purpose, and no drive. In the end we're all alive.

I want to hurt something, or someone. I have so much anger in me. I'm angry.
Angry at the fact that whenever I'm happy, my happiness doesn't last. Every time something good happens to me, it won't last. Or it'll be snatched away from me. I'm just boiling with rage right now, why the fuck can't life be simple? I wish I could erase the past, I'm angry. At myself. At you. At everyone. I wish I could let all this anger out, wish I could just blurt everything. I hate suppressing anger, hate that so much anger has built up inside me I can just be set off in a blink of an eye. Hate that I can't be who I want to be because the past still haunts me, hate that whenever I feel like I'm doing good, like I'm progressing, I get angry because a voice in my head tells me that I'm not a good person and I never will be. Then images of the past just flashes through my mind reminding me of who I was, what I've done and I go back to square one. I hate carrying secrets around. I hate that I get annoyed, irritated and pissed off at the pettiest of things. I hate that I always screw things up. I'm living for nothing but I don't wanna die. I don't wanna die for nothing. I hate the fact that I'm like a mirror. I hate the fucking fact that it all sinks in when I'm alone. I'm angry because every time I know something, someone will make me happy, I cringe and refrain myself because I know that my happiness would be snatched away from me like always. I hate that I hate too much. But most of all, I hate the fact, that I've lost myself.

God, if you're mission was to make me one unhappy little fuck. Your mission is accomplished.

Come over to the darkside;

They say the devil's water, it ain't so sweet. You don't have to drink right now, but you can dip your feet every once in a little while.

Monday, August 30, 2010

Peekabo! It's your favourite caveman, beetches!

Happy Birthday, Malaysia!
So as you all know, it's Malaysia's 53rd birthday today and guess who knows and tweeted about it too? Wait for it.. Wait for it....
*drum rolls!*
KIMORA LEE SIMMONS!
I'll show you a screen shot I took.


I think it's pretty awesome that even someone who isn't staying in Malaysia knows the date of our independence day. Shame on the rest who call themselves Malaysians. Moving on.. Naim (caveman) did a BBQ at his place in Subang and we Ohanas didn't hesitate to melantak all those yummy food! Nothing much la actually, went over, ate, chill, talked, etc etc.




BYE!

Thursday, August 26, 2010

MUST READ!

I found something on the net that really changed the way I look at things and also opened my eyes. Hope it will to you guys too.. Read it!

2009-12-20 Update: Be careful not to become too jaded or polarized from reading this.

It’s easy to forget how heartless most people are when you’re not around them.

At the beginning of the semester, my speech teacher asked all the students what their majors were, and what they were going to do with their lives. What did he get?

Boring replies.

No conviction. No one was committed to anything they said. There were a lot of “I don’t know”s. Those are bad, but even worse are the people who have been brave enough to “choose” a path… but they’ve chosen one that inspires no confidence. You know these people. Often, they’ll even say what they really want to do with exciting enthusiasm, but then in the same sentence they’ll say how unrealistic it is. These people think they’re really smart. They think they’re being “grounded” and “down to earth” by choosing a “reasonable” career. No one will tell them anything different.

But really, what are they?

Heartless people.

They’ve sold out. They’re not even twenty, and they’ve already committed themselves to doing what they hate for life. And that’s reasonable? We’re telling the children of the world that selling out is reasonable?

Shame on us.

You can’t have a heart if you’ve already sold yourself out. Sure, you can have compassion, kindness, love, friendship, bravery. But you’ll just have a shadow heart. A sliver of these things. A crumb, when you should have a whole pie.

The way to bring others back to their hearts is not to comfort or support or empathize. It’s not to stick by them. It’s not to bring yourself down to their level.

The way to help others is to follow your heart to the end. When you find someone like this, it’s like meeting Jesus. You’re meeting someone so brilliant and spirited that his heart transfers to you. It’s like a wildfire meeting a blighted forest. His fire becomes your fire.

So how do you overcome heartlessness? Phase heartless friends out of your life, and bring heartfelt friends into your life. That means: get away from negative people.

Once you’ve built up a network of positivity, go back to those negative friends. You’ll find they aren’t so negative after all. Their completely positive now. Were you mistaken?

No, you made them positive. Whenever you embrace your heart, others do the same. When you deny your heart with lies, excuses, and limiting beliefs, others do the same. It doesn’t matter if you’re a hermit. You still hold other people back when you hold yourself back. What you do to my brothers, you do to me.

This is the perfect manifestation of chaos theory and the ripple effect, because it means that we’re all pretty much the same. You have an ethical duty to do the work that does the most good for yourself and others, because if you don’t, you’re bringing down humanity. This isn’t something that can or should ever be mandated or legislated, because no one but you can find your heart. I can push you in the right direction, but only you can drink the water.

You have quite a responsibility. Every minute you waste working for more fake money, you take away from humanity. You think you’re being good and staying out of trouble, but you’re actually being evil.

How good would it be if I decided to stop taking pictures and stop sharing these articles, to instead play the violin or open a shop selling widgets? It wouldn’t be good at all, because that isn’t where my heart is. I’d be doing something I enjoy far less than this, so I’d contribute far less to the lives of others. If I picked a safe path like becoming a computer-science teacher or a government-funded librarian, I’d actually be doing something completely evil. That’s where heartlessness comes from.

One of the greatest ways to have a heart is to choose your career. Your career is what you do that makes money. It is not what you do to make money; it’s what you do that also incidentally happens to make money. Also: it is not what you do, but how you do it. My photography and writing is always focused on the growth and inspiration of others. If I found that I could better inspire others by composing music or giving speeches or returning to pencil sketches, I’d switch in a heartbeat. But I don’t, because my talent + heart makes photography and writing the most effective mediums for me right now.

You can’t choose a career in advance. You have to do it and then see if you like it. This is costly and takes years. To speed up the process, you must choose what you really like now, as that’s the closest thing to your mission that you currently know.

Ask yourself: “What would I do if I had all the money and possessions I need to live? What would I do if I’d found my mission? What would I do if I’d created my religion? What would I do if I had a loving wife and family? What would I do if I’d overcame limiting beliefs and made peace with the world?”

What would I do? I’d write this.

My gut reaction is that I should make my life perfect first, and then write this. Once I eliminate my problems, I’ll have peace.

This is putting the cart before the horse. Problems give you peace. ‘Unhappiness’ gives you a mission, because it’s actually happiness in disguise, telling you what you need to be doing. It’s that little voice (your conscience) that watches out for you. You have to follow your intellect (the voice) instead of your gut (not the voice). You have to be open to hear him. You have to listen real close. God’s not going to help you if you refuse to help yourself. Be thankful for the voice, because no other species has it. We’re special. We have a voice.

The nature of heartlessness

If Yoda from Star Wars has taught us anything, it is that the dark side is much more tempting than the side of light, because it makes progress much more quickly. Siths seem to have much more power than Jedi, because they blaze ahead while Jedi make slow advances. Siths rise to greatness in days instead of years. Strangely enough, however:

The dark side is powerless.

Heartlessness is powerlessness.

Good always triumphs over evil, because evil is a dependent system, whereas good is an independent system. Evil is the derivative of good. You cannot have a pure-evil world; evil can only co-exist with good. If you have evil, you must have good. But you can have good without evil. The phrase necessary evil is the dark side’s Trojan horse. Evil is never necessary.

You can’t have shoplifters without shoppers.

You can’t have thieves without customers.

You can’t have poison without medicine.

You can’t have corruption without honesty.

You can’t have hate without love.

You can’t have evil without good.

You can’t have heartlessness without heart.

You can have heart without heartlessness.

If everyone is wholly corrupt, how can anyone have anyone to take advantage of? You can’t have a society of leeches. Someone has to contribute something, or else there is nothing to leech.

Think of evil as cancer cells, and good as healthy cells. Cancer cells leech; healthy cells contribute. Cancer cells are incredibly powerful because they can reproduce and continue growing indefinitely. They expand exponentially. Cancer represents evil and heartlessness. Healthy cells, which represent light and heart, have no such privileges. But, there is a paradoxical fail-safe that protects the light side.

As cancer gets more and more powerful, it actually ends up committing suicide. Cancer is heartless, but it relies on something heartfelt (the body) to continue living. Once it becomes unstoppably powerful, it overwhelms its host. Both die. It’s like using Explosion in a Pokémon battle.

In a bad world, terminal cancer victims would be completely engulfed by the disease, becoming walking cancer zombies that roam the Earth spreading the disease to millions of others. They’d also be green and glow like Frankenstein. Evil would triumph.

In our world, evil can never triumph.

The best possible outcome for the dark side is the destruction of both good and evil, leaving nothingness. Evil can never win. If you’re evil, the best you can hope for is a stalemate with good, resulting in the death of you both.

The best possible outcome for the light side is peace on Earth with unprecedented abundance, freedom, and growth for all of humanity. Evil is completely removed, but not in it’s destruction, so much as it’s conversion to good. The evil men lay down their swords, stop murdering each other, and commit themselves to empowering rather than imprisoning their countrymen. We and the dead spirits forgive their transgressions, because there’s nothing else that should be done. There is no love in perpetual Hellfire.

Evil cannot be isolated. Pure evil does not exist; it is always tempered by good, be it 50% or .001%. Pure good does exist, alone and 100% independent of evil.

Which side will you choose?

If you pick heartlessness (evil), you’ve actually already given up on life, because the best you can hope for is a stalemate. But if you follow your heart (good), the sky is limitless.

How could this be any simpler?

When you give up your freedom to secure your safety, you’ve chosen evil. When you choose a safe, boring life over a risky, adventurous life, you’ve chosen evil. When you choose accounting over lion-taming, you’ve chosen evil.

Evil exists in everything you fear, everything that leads you into limits, shyness, and seclusion, away from your God-given power.

If you become heartless, you’ll make fast progress. . . toward death.

Your life has no meaning. It would have meaning if it was defined in terms of good, but by defining yourself in terms of evil you’ve obfuscated your heart into a cryptogram that serves no one.

Just because evil cannot triumph does not mean that you should not be concerned. The best endgame for evil is the destruction of good, and that is still really really bad. We want to keep good around.

Knowing that heartlessness depends on the heart gives you unstoppable power on the side of light. You may think power is evil, but it’s completely necessary. Anything that’s necessary is good, not evil. Power is great. It allows you to uphold goodness.

Just think: any heartless person, no matter how far gone, can be saved, because there is a sliver of good in him which can never be destroyed. To destroy that sliver is to destroy him.

If your evil is too strong, it might kill you to return to good. Or at least, critically injure you. But that’s much better than continuing in evilness. If you’re evil, you’re drowning alive.

If you cause a really heartless person to die, not through force but by his free return to heartfeltness, you’ve done something great. Although I’d prefer him to live, you’ve proven that impossible, and so his fate was best.

The way to combat evil is not to fight fire with fire, or murder with murder. In Gandhi’s words, “an eye for an eye makes the whole world blind.” When you fight evil with evil, you become evil. Don’t cooperate with nor support evil.

A good example of disguised evil is pre-emptive and retributive punishment. You cannot rightly punish a man for his plans or his genes or his thoughts. “Hate crimes” and “thought crimes” cannot exist, because hate is irrelevant to a crime. So is “affirmative” action. Abortion is also pre-emptive punishment, because it’s meant to save a child from the horrors he’ll face in the world, being unwanted and unloved and all. All these things are touted by the evil-doers as “good,” but they are squarely in the category of heartless evil.

Don’t support evil.

Your thoughts are important, but for the purpose of justice, they’re only important after you’ve committed a criminal act. Then, in an ideal legal system, a jury of your peers reviews the evidence and decides unanimously if you (a) are guilty; (b) should be punished. You can only be punished if you’re guilty, but not all guilty people should be punished. If you accidentally kill someone, it’s a lot different then purposefully killing someone. The difference can be between no punishment and life in prison (not death, because death stifles your opportunities for personal growth). If you dive in the water to save a drowning child, it doesn’t matter how many “no swimming” signs are around.

Governments are not inherently evil. Our governments are evil. American was not evil, but it has become evil by would-be do-gooders standing idle while evil-doers like Abraham Lincoln, the income tax, and the Federal Reserve system rose to power.

Irresponsible debt is evil. If you mortgage your heart, you can’t expect anything but heartlessness. Most debt is evil, because most debt is irresponsible. Live beneath your means always, buy less than you need, contribute more than you take. Possessions and thoughts don’t matter; actions matter. Don’t put up with people who push you toward debt.

Thwarting the Death-Worshipers

The heartless have a plan right now. They want the best endgame for evil. The only path to that is the extinction of the human race (after a lot of pain and suffering, of course). The population of the Earth must become 0. Then, both good and evil will be gone, permanently. The evil-lovers worship death.

If you’re “neutral,” you’re evil. There’s good and evil, and neutral people are evil because they let evil people reign without matching evil with good. You have to choose between good and evil. This isn’t something you can wuss out on.

“The world is evil” syndrome

The main counter-argument of the dark side is this: nature, including the nature of man, is naturally uncaring and evil. Whenever we do something good, like sharing kindness or love, we’re doing it for ourselves. It’s selfish, because the end result is the betterment of ourselves. The betterment of others is merely a secondary result, making every person evil.

The problem with this theory is it objectively defines the self vs. the other, when such an objective declaration does not exist. When you redefine the world in terms of subjective reality, which is the only congruent system, you’ll find that other people are just projections of you and they represent the struggles and dreams of yourself. When you’re sharing your art or love or generosity with others, you’re being “selfishly evil,” insofaras that you are benefiting yourself. If the world was objective, that would be evil. But it isn’t, so love and compassion are always good and on the side of light, because you are other people, other people are you, you single-handedly represent all of humanity, and every other person on this planet is the exact same person as you.

Suicide is murder and must be illegal. Killing yourself is the same as killing someone else.

The environmentalism ploy

If you’ve read the Georgia Guidestones, the ten commandments of the death-worshipers, the first item on the list is “keep the human population below 500 million.” The way to do that is to kill 93 out of every 100 people. It’s going to take a lot of wars, nuclear attacks, famines, sterilization, abortions, and plagues to do that, and you can bet the illuminati are plotting right now.

If you support population reduction, let me tell you the truth: population reduction starts with you. Show your commitment to the 500 million milestone by taking the lives of yourself and your family right now. I’ll wait here.

Are you done yet? Very good.

Humanity is the calm within the storm. Humanity is the beacon of light that shines through all the smoke, fog, and mirrors that plague the lower forms of life. Humanity triumphs over adversity and heartlessness eternally, not by extinguishing the heartless but by converting them to the side of light and making them our strongest allies.

We’re strong together. It doesn’t matter if we have twenty-billion people; the life of each person is inherently valuable and sacred regardless. This is the path of heart.

Look at dogs for example. Before we came along, that had no mission. The race of the dog was a ship with no rudder, no engine, and no captain. But now, with man as the captain, dogs have love, abundance, and a mission like no other. By partnering with us, they’ve unlocked their true potential. It isn’t all sunshine and roses, because we’re killing dogs all the time, just as we’re killing people. Support the good things while denouncing the killing. Killing isn’t necessary; enough people die on their own.

Humanity is the most perfect and natural form of life on Earth. Don’t let anyone tell you this isn’t our planet. The planet is doing great, life is more diverse than ever, there is no global warming besides natural cycles of the sun, and pollution is minimal due to technological advances. The volcanoes of the Earth put out dozens of times more pollution than all of our actions combined. This is a secure, versatile planet; it can easily handle us. Mother Earth is not a fragile butterfly; she’s a solid rock with a will like no other.

Following your heart, day to day

If you’ve read everything I’ve written and am eagerly looking forward to my next articles, you’re one of a few. You’re reading a lot of other personal development books and blogs now, taking in all the information you can.

Yet you’re doing nothing.

You’re scared to do anything.

It’s much safer to read than to act.

It’s even safer to write than to act.

Right now, I’m just writing. You could say I’m being evil, because I’m encouraging other people to do nothing but read my writing, even if I say I want them to get out and see the world.

There is no personal development in sleeping, or reading, or even writing. Only in action.

You can read all you want, but you have to apply what you’re reading. If you’re merely amassing a list of quotes or a collection of books, you’re doing worse than nothing, because you’ve convinced yourself you’re making progress where really you’re making none. You have no heart.

When you forfeit your power to others, you give up your heart. You say that other people can make better use of your heart than you can. You’re afraid to wield power or personal responsibility, so the best you can is to let others guide you because they must be smarter.

The thing is, you can’t live with two hearts or zero hearts. You can only live with one heart. If we take that heart away or transplant a second heart next to it, it will kill you. Completely. When you become heartless, you’ve given your heart to someone else, and that person will die too because he can’t support two hearts. Heartlessness is the most pure form of evil, because it results in the death of everything.

It isn’t natural to live in fear. Courage is the natural state of man, but we’ve drifted away from it. When you’ve drifted off the path, the only thing to do is to get back on the path. Return to courage. Do something real.

Conclusion

Some people will say I’m naïve and idealistic for defining good and evil so concretely, or for believing in the goodness of man.

To them I say: :silly:
If you want something to pick on, I also believe in true love, real money, joblessness, purposeful happiness, and the sanctity of human life.

Always remember that the people who push atheism or Christianity on you the hardest are the ones plagued with painful doubt themselves. When people become highly angered, they’re never angry at you. They’re angry at themselves for not following their heart. Anger means that you’re either jealous of someone else being true, or unhappy that someone else is imitating you by being heartless.

Whenever I’m angry at other people, I’m actually angry at myself, because other people are me and I am other people. We’re the collective heart. It’s like the Borg, but ten times better. We’re working to consecrate the heart rather than extinguish it.

Live in the light.



Tuesday, August 24, 2010

This is me

To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket- safe, dark, motionless, airless--it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable.
Find a cure for my life
Put a price on my soul
Oh you think I´m in control
Oh you think it´s all for fun
Find a cure for my life
Build a wall
Build a fortress around my heart
Is this fun for you?
I see signs now all the time
That you're not dead, you're sleeping
I believe in anything
That brings you back home to me

My back begins to tingle

These are some songs that I highly recommend for everybody. My personal top 10.
  1. Hometown-Adele
  2. Disco Pogo-Frauenarzt and Manny Matk
  3. Tired and Uninspired-My American Heart
  4. Breathe-Telepopmusik
  5. How To Touch A Girl-Jojo
  6. Anyone Else But You-The Moldy Peaches
  7. After Tonight-Justin Nozuka
  8. Yasmin The Light-Explosions In The Sky
  9. Seasons Of Love-Shiny Toy Guns
  10. Come Together-The Beatles


Enjoy(!)